Monday, August 4, 2014

I swore this year would be different...

I really went into my marathon training with the best of intentions - I was going to do all of my mid-week runs, I was going to do my tempo work, blah blah see where this is going.

The only thing I have stuck to is doing my long runs. I've been so frustrated, and keep beating myself up for not giving it my all. Heck, I'm not even giving it my half. I could blame it on being busy with work. I could blame it on having to cart the kids around to different things. But really, it's just that I'm feeling very defeated.

Two years ago I was feeling awesome! I had lost 60 lbs in 2011, I was running my best times, and I was loving my new healthy lifestyle. Then I slowly started slacking off on my exercise and running, and didn't watch what I was eating as well as I had previously. By the time I ran Chicago in 2013 I had put back on about 20 lbs. I took training for a marathon as an excuse to eat anything and everything. Because, you know, when you run 16 miles you can eat the whole double scoop sundae....every other day (I really need a sarcasm font). It REALLY became a problem when the marathon was over - my body knew I wasn't running as much, but my mind kept me eating the same crap I had been eating.

Fast forward to now...I'm up another 5-8 lbs (depends on the day), and it sucks. I know what I'm eating isn't providing me with the fuel I need to keep me going with my training. There are some days that I do really well with my food choices. But then there are days like today - Chick Fil A for lunch, Papa John's for dinner, and I didn't run at all. Although with the awesome chafing I got on Saturday, I still needed to give that another day to heal.

After my 16 mile training run on Saturday I was seriously wondering if there is any way I can actually do the marathon again. I mean, I know I will do it, but I don't want to hate every minute of it. I hurt, I was slower than slow, and it sucked. I keep telling myself "at least I'm out there doing this", but I'm not giving it what I should. I found myself pretty depressed after the run this weekend (guess that explains the random bout of tears after I finished the run), and wondered how I could shake it.

What I did was go back and read my blog posts from last year, with my Fox Valley Marathon and Chicago Marathon training and recaps. Marathon training really is a lot like childbirth...your mind selectively blocks out the incredibly sucky parts. Luckily I wrote about them last year! I had a lot of the same fears, the same doubts, and then I read about finishing my two marathons in 3 weeks.

So I'm back in the game now. I know it's going to be tough, it's going to take some sacrifice with cutting out most of the treats, and it's going to take some blood, sweat, and yes, tears. But I can't wait to have that moment of crossing the finish line again, knowing that I gave it my all.